School of Hard Knocks

Within my first 24 months of transferring to my new branch, I was charged with overseeing a command-directed investigation. Allegations were made against a very senior NCO and some of those allegations were substantiated. Following the CDI, the NCO had to be on “good behavior” for fear of negative follow-on actions while awaiting their impending retirement. 

During this sensitive time for this individual, I continued to meet with my boss for our monthly update meetings. I would review current operations and my boss would extend assistance whenever needed. At the conclusion of the investigation, I shared that things were a little awkward for the NCO. Unabashedly, he said, “Make sure you document all of your meetings and conversations.”

I thought he was being overly dramatic, but I heeded his warning and kept a log for the next nine months. Every time I spoke to the NCO about their tasks, assignments, and retirement preparations, I added another note to my log. I even added the NCO’s temperament for good measure. The NCO did what they were told, shared that their dog had to be let down, and went over plans they had for retirement. At the conclusion of this probationary period, and when the NCO officially retired and separated from our personnel systems, I archived the log without thinking much of it.

Luckily, I did maintain it.

A few months following the NCO’s retirement, I was shocked to find a disillusioned email in my inbox, addressed also to generals and colonels. The recently retired NCO felt the need to exercise their newly regained verbal freedom. They blasted everyone in the chain of command, claiming no one cared to check on their well-being or accountability. They shared the need to vocalize their displeasure at the way they “went out” of the military and needed to let everyone know.

At first, I was shocked that someone would make all these claims, frankly because they were lies. But then I realized that this member just needed to have their voice heard, even if it didn’t amass to anything. When you’re in the military, you sometimes find yourself biting your tongue. Honesty and candidness are easily pushed aside in the face of orders, authority, and regulations. Unless warranted due to a legal, ethical, or moral transgression, the voice of members can be silenced. In order to safely secure the First Amendment of a nation, our own opinions must be regulated. 

After I came to realize this person’s point of view, and although no one asked, I responded to a few of the leaders with my logged encounters. I was grateful that I had taken the time to document all of my engagements. When I saw my boss a week later, I asked him, “How did you know that I would need to log all of my encounters with the NCO?”

He paused, clearly thinking of the most succinct way to respond. All he said back to me was, “the school of hard knocks.”

I didn’t ask anything further, nodded in response and carried out the rest of my day.

As a leader, we must balance the needs of those most vulnerable along with the mission at hand. Leaders must anticipate possible “kerfuffles” (as this particular boss would call them) and then share those learned lessons with others. It can be a complicated dance, but one that must be routinely practiced over time in order to ensure good order and discipline are not compromised due to disgruntled members.