Is This Call Really Necessary?

It is both fascinating and disappointing to hear leaders tout the importance of work-life balance and, yet, they call or text you for the most unimportant things during non-business hours. As an active-duty member, where you are literally on call 24/7, it is hard to ask your boss to stop calling during dinner time to ask about a non-critical item. The hypocrisy is palpable.

I’m not a saint in this department, but I try to really ask myself, “Is this call necessary?” Nine out of ten times, it is not. The times that truly dictate calling a subordinate during non-duty hours should usually revolve around the personal well-being of another service member, mission impact, or some other item on the commander’s critical item requirement (CCIR) list. 

Gar John, one of my earliest commanders, did a fantastic job teaching me that most scenarios in the military are not that serious. The way middle managers obsess over the formatting of a presentation brief or the preoccupation with meeting an administrative, self-imposed timeline were not reasonable causes to freak out and could usually wait to be addressed until the next day. As my commander while deployed to Iraq, he taught me what real emergencies and causes for concern were. There were times leaders truly needed to be activated, but all other times were precious time blocks one could count on to relax, refresh, and refocus on the day’s tasks and prepare for the next. As a new, high-strung lieutenant, I recall multiple times flying into his office at the disappointment of others’ inactions. He just smiled, usually eating a whole mango, and spouted, “It’s ok, it’s not that serious.”

It took a lot of self-reflection to grasp what was and was not important. Introspection led me to better understand and appreciate my own time better, as well as that of my subordinates. The negative side of learning such skills is that my tolerance for superior leaders’ infiltration of my family time degraded.

I have found the predicament of a leader unable to unplug is often correlated to their family situation. After moving on from Gar’s direction, my new boss was unmarried, childless, and generally seemed to be a workaholic, because….why not? They had all the time in the world to hone in on every microcosm of every detail, just to be sure I was doing everything correctly. Even while on maternity leave with my second daughter, my email inbox didn’t stand a chance to the slew of non-emergent inquiries from the boss. With each response, I pounded my replies with detest and frustration and took it out on the plastic keyboard. Unable to do anything about the situation, like most others, I just counted the days until the boss’s change of command ceremony as they were not doing anything illegal, unethical, or immoral…just annoying.

Technology is a double-edged sword, both being a miracle and poison. Gathering information is more convenient than ever, which is great when you're in the middle of a meeting and need details on the specifics of a fire truck or other random piece of equipment so you can answer the commander’s questions ASAP. Technology allows soldiers to Facetime their kids while deployed and say prayers before bed. Other times, it is a virtual tether that lets supervisors penetrate your mind space at the most inconvenient hours, like during your family vacation to Disney, Valentine’s Day dinner with your spouse, or a kid’s soccer play-off game. Sometimes as a leader, all we can do is not repeat the behavior that we, personally, detest and be aware of the impact and stress we play upon subordinates during unnecessary times. They already do so much for us and their country, answering another annoying text during dinner shouldn’t be one of them.