Bucket of Crabs

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation with a person who incessantly complained about a topic you were positive or neutral about and then you started chiming in with agreeable rhetoric? Misery loves company. In many ways, sharing in a common experience can bring people together. And other times, it keeps the collective down - way down. Just as a triumphant winning streak can keep the motivation of a team high, so too, can a streak of downtrodden luck. It is worse when such bad luck is experienced by the majority, and you find yourself part of it unwillingly.

It can be difficult to embrace change, plan ahead, and strive for success when those around you pull you down. Co-workers, colleagues, and even unsuspecting supervisors can deter best-laid efforts to succeed. This is easier said than done. Peer pressure and large personalities can easily silence your voice in a crowd or even at the decision-making table. Do I dare even bring up other discriminatory factors that can make you feel less safe to voice your opinion? There are, no doubt, many.

The news and social media are really good at highlighting whatever negative issue is in vogue. Politics, inflation, policies…fill in the blank. Likewise, disgruntled co-workers often have a hard time focusing on anything other than how they were wronged for not getting the next promotion or why they were not selected for a special project. The supervisor doesn’t agree with the path the unit is going and she lets everyone know she disagrees. Those who did get selected for the big project just complain because they don’t have time for it or they don’t have the resources to make the boss’s big dream a reality. And the tasked-out little guy is just trying to find out why he needs to come in early on Saturday instead of going to his kid’s soccer game. The cycle can be endless. Stop the madness!

It can be difficult to push and pull yourself out of that bucket, but you must. Your sanity, job, and family depend on it.

There have been times in the past where my working relationship with my boss was far more positive than the boss’s relationship was with most others. Other co-workers felt like the boss was purposefully out to get them or were being discounted. Alternatively, my relationship was based on respectful communication and trust. It was a strange experience to nod in empathy as I would hear colleagues struggle but then be grateful for my situation one minute later. I had to respect others’ opinions by listening, and if able, offer some advice to manage the turmoil. I could not wallow in the resentment or frustration. I’ve had to recognize crabby situations, set time limits, and remove myself or change the subject to something more pleasant. 

Amongst friends, climbing out of the bucket can be difficult. If you try to climb out, friends might call you too good or disloyal. They might think you don’t care about them. Co-workers might distance themselves from you or neglect to keep you informed on office business. Unfortunately, these folks’ lack of understanding on your part further highlights their envy, insecurity and lack of awareness. If crabby behavior is tolerated for prolonged amounts of time, you may see with a degraded sense of worth, happiness, or ability to get out of the bucket at all.

If you're trapped in the bucket of negativity, find a mentor who can help you see the light and give you a hand to get out of it. If you're unsure if you're in the bucket at all, but things don't feel right, ask a friend or trusted supervisor for their perspective to see if you're just looking at the situation with rose-colored glasses. In the military, many pain points are temporary. People come and go, to include commanders and even senior enlisted members. People either promote up and out of their current position or are forced to get out. Stay the course. You can outlast even the most negative and off-putting individuals. Recognize the goodness you bring to your unit and family. You make a difference. Give yourself the space, time, and grace to safely speak your mind. Don’t hope for change, be the change. The future of America depends on you to do the hard right over the easy wrong.